我到底存在过谁的生命中,又属于世界哪一个角落?

 

以为在乎的人却只是过客,近乎淡忘的人却仍记得远在天边的我.

 

看似多姿却只有自己明白真实的内核.

 

stop being pathetic kid!!!

went to steven hawkin's speech today. due to excessive popularity, waited outside for half an hour still didnt manage to get in. what a pity.. caught a glimpse of him in the doorway and took a pic on my mobile tho. only judged by the arrogance of turning so many admirers down and half an hour lateness, dont think ill v much respect for him ever since.

 

bumped into ming and jiayan on the way back and stopped them from going to the speech to avoid disappointment.  three of us went to granta for a drink instead and spent the eve listening to jiayan's crazy parachuting experience.

breaking into the dept at 7 in the morning and fell asleep siiting on the stairs outside the locked doors...

 

cant believe its over! now i start to understand why they saying the core factor of winning this competition is successful time management. u cant do anything about it anymore no matter what great idea u might come up with. should v been more alert spontaneous, kid. shouldnt v been following others' orders as if its none of ur business.  altho v been feeling left out all the way through, at least there was still hope there. what else can i throw myself into from now on?

 

as i was walking down the stairs from EIETL, everthing around me, all those engines adn structures, suddenly seemed so unreal to me. or was this whole cambridge life just an illusion to me?

why cant i just think and talk as fast as them? so fucking frustrated when they dont even seem to listen to my ideas when i was struggling to put my thoughts into words. so crap at working under pressure.  u cant just give up and stay aside, kid. u might v the power to turn the situ.

 

this is driving me mad. even poured shampoo onto my body when in shower and spread body butter onto my forehead :S

 

 

 

 

world cabaret

 

put on a short presentation on an imaginary eng prob and came up with a solution (supposably funny). we went for travelling from england to france without using the existed transportation methods. made up a bunch of stupid ideas such as frog powered floating bicycle, huge baguette rowing boat, inverted millenium dome. it was just a laugh rly. lucky enough to win a prize of 200 pounds simply cos of we were the only group in the competition.

 

cant believe that iv never had a proper conversation with this cute ginger hair irish boy from my french class for the whole yr. cant stop giggling at his funny irish accent tho.

 

always consider such occasion a fab chance to experience diff cultrues all over the world. couldnt v enough of the international atmosphere, the kinda thing iv expected for a studying abroad experience. reminds me of the the time spent with the summer school kids. why cant such moments sustains for longer?

 

IDP

 

final stage of putting everything together and all the testing. got only a day left before the competiton on sat. still got loads of probs to sort out. gonna dedicate the whole day in dept for testing tmr. shouldnt put this off till last min. so frustrating when cant figure out where the probs lies and the robot just keeps doing the wrong thing. equally excited when it does perform as expected tho. thats what programming is all about rly. sorrows and joys always come together. just v to wait and see.

2006 valentine

 

no bf, no love affairs

 

seriously sleep deprived due to hitting supervision work dealine

 

IDP final stage - endless debugging and testing

 

clashed timetable of lectures, meetings, french class and supervision

 

40 mins extended supervision with crap supervisor who couldnt explain any probs at all clear

 

and a messed up myself...

knew this wouldnt last long. but why happen all of a sudden?

 

at least help me realize how childish i was. all of these was just to give myself excuses of being fragile.

 

when can i be brave enough to confront the reality? or am i already living in it but trying every means to get away from it?

havent seen german films for ages. this rly is a gd one, altho a bit lengthy...3 and 1/2 hrs for a cut version. considering all hte lack of sleep and hunger, could barely manage stay awake for the first half. kept distracted by the annoying trip thingy constantly. 

 

结尾很戏剧性.经过了那么多周折和磨难,终于回到故土,听着凯歌接受人们的致敬,却无情的遭受到了致命的空袭.captain也只能眼睁睁看着与他出生入死的潜艇再一次下沉，他自己也随着他的下沉停止了呼吸。

 

每次看有关死亡的片子都觉得很沉重。不论是什么样的故事，用什么样的方式拍摄，所传达的都是同样的信息。生命是这样的脆弱。能活着就已经很幸运了，真的是这样。哪怕生命的过程再是痛苦，我们都舍不得就这样去放弃他，何况像要夺去一个生命真的简单的只需要一颗子弹。

the moment she said that definite "no", i knew i was knocked down to pieces inside. all the hope i v hold were torn to pieces. i was just holding my tears until i step out of the room. god, ur too mercy to give me another chance. even just to let me know that my efforts r not wasted stupidly. no matter what the resutls r, at least i wont regret. burst into tears standing beside the lake to allow myself breath.

 

c'est la vie!