just had the craziest day of my life (not quite my life, but as least this term).

 

been spending ages on P&G application form. didnt wanna push it till the deadline, but it just turned out to be. stupid enough to realize that iv mistaken 950 character limit as words limit and ended up writing pages long eassy :S the result of being last minuite is to lose sleep as compensation. didnt sleep till 3am last night and had to force myself to get up at 8am for the lecture. luckily wasnt exhausted like shit during lectures. quite awake even.

 

got an emergency call from boat captain informing me that im rowing this aft. havent had outing for weeks. how am i gonna pick up all the techniques again? anyway, skipped the last lecture and rushed to boat house. was gonna fetch a sandwich from sainsbury on the way but realized that i forgot to bring my wallet at the counter. embarrassed~ cant believe im gonna have my first rowing race with an empty stomach and in the snow!!! it was all freezing and windy but wonderfully beautiful with snow falling onto the river. won the first one against fitz dramatically coz they kept crashing into our boat (sth went wrong with their bow ball, huhu). waited in the cold wind for ages for the second one against caius. lost in the end~ afterall it was gd fun tho. race wasnt as scary as i thought and its all about technique, not just purely strength. i believe in my ability to become a gd rower as long as i v proper and regular practice. starting to understand why jd was so crazy about rowing last yr.

 

straight off to bed afterwards, left my room in a messy state as it was. anyway, gotta catch up with my work before the term finish. need to get myself back in a gd state before going back home. cant wait!!!

before sunrise, before sunset. seen the first one yrs ago back home with wendy. didnt v a chance to watch the second episode when it was out. not desperartly wanted to watch it. it was just one of those movies that wouldnt hurt spending some time going through it. couldnt help recaping the firsrt one after finished the second one. luckily got the whole set from shuyang. havent spent the entire eve lazing in the darkness staring at some moving pictures leaving the whole world behind.

 

dont understand why it didnt move me at all when i first saw it. prob cos my english wasnt gd enough to comprehend all those conversations and the phylosophy of life buried in between. as im now watching it, in the middle of michaelmas term in my second yr in cam, i rly start to feel that it means sth to me at this stage of my life. reminds me of the sophisticated and sensitive myself that i used to be. all those complicated thoughts that haunted me every once in a while.

 

feel dying inside gradually ever since i got to cam. passion and inspiration faded and turning more and more numb as days goes by. too exhausted with this life after all the dissapointment. why cant life just be simple and natural? my mentality has been taken away and left with an empty shell.

 

its all about spiritial connection between two souls, and it brings back the same kinda feeling i once had during the summer but shortly denied for no reason. i clearly remember being stuck

between the conflicts of reality of everyday life we live in, or stuck in, and illusion of the luxurious business of emotion. then i put too much judgement and pulled myself back on the track of reality. sometime a movie or a book can rly redirect ur mind. iv started to question myself about the oneside decision iv made. i know i wanted sth more in life. but then life itself disappointed me so badly.cant help imagine what it might turn out if i took the opposite move.

 

 

guy fawks day falls on today. went to c the fireworks and bonfire in mid-summer common. reminded me of the bonfire nites we had in nfls...those silly dances...

 

yet another yr s passed by...felt my life hasnt changed much, still perplexed...where v all my passinons and expectations gone?